Sunday, February 28, 2010

It Came to Me in a Dream

I have physical therapy in the morning at 5:30, so I tried to get to sleep early today, but me being the insomniac I am, that hardly worked. So I started reading, hoping it would help. I dozed off reading Dexter in the Dark, and found myself in a dream.
In this dream, America had won the gold by the 3-2 score, and then Maria was paying up her end of the bargain. But it was only $30, not the $60 that myself and Michael would be putting in after I matched his bet. I felt bad, thinking about how it was all for a good cause and all that jazz. So I decided to match her bet, too, like I matched the other one.
In the dream.
I woke up then. And decided why not do it anyways, now?

$10 for every American goal.
I don't care that they didn't win.

So here's my math:
The score was Canada 3, USA 2, but I refuse to acknowledge Crosby scored, so we're sitting at 2-2.
But I'm going to donate 5 dollars for every goal Rafalski scored against Canada the first go around.
So (2+2)10+5x2... remember your PEMDAS?

$50 will be coming from me tomorrow sometime to the Herm 2 Hockeytown Children's Hospital Charity Fund Thingamabobber.

You'll forgive me for this post, as I'm still half groggy on account of just waking up.

Our good friend @marl0nbrand0 decided to donate $3 for every Canadian gold won in these Olympics, $2 for every silver, and $1 for every bronze. I tried to do some quick math in my head and falsely tweeted it was going to come up to about $71. A check of my trusty calculator soon told me I was about $10 off. BUT FEAR NOT! He will still be donating $71 like I said he would, I'm just gonna loan him the extra 10 dollars. So at this point, we're looking at a donation of $60. Coming to a total of $151 from me, Marlon, and Michael.

In Short...

This is an abbreviation of my previous post, so you don't have to sift through everything to get to the brass tacks.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to throw my hat in the ring for @mpetrella's bet regarding this game, also donating 10 dollars for every goal CAN scores if they win to H2H. I'd think that's pretty ballsy considering the score already being 2-0."

I will be matching @mpetrella's bet with @Mariia19. Even though I have no right no. I also don't have a reason not to.
So, with tomorrow being payday, 30 of my (read: American taxpayer's) dollars will be finding their way into the H2H donation bank.

USA vs Canada (The lost blog)

This blog was found on a laptop approximately 10 feet from a television playing NBC, in the hockey wasteland known as North Carolina. More specifically, MCAS New River. The words you are about to read have not been changed, this is being posted unedited. The owner, nowhere to be found.

"I came in to the game with about 5 minutes left in the first period, USA alread trailing 1-0. I had to go out and get a haircut (damn military regulations.)

2 things happened when I came in. A) We finally won an offensive zone faceoff, according to the TV. B) I do believe I witnessed more shots on goal by USA than by Canada. So with those two things being true, I'm fairly sure that my presence is turning the tides for Team USA.

I'm currently stuck between watching the game down here in the lounge sans internet, or going to my room WITH internet and not watching. I think that if things stay like this (USA trailing) after the second period, I'll go back to my room where my Girl Scout cookies and Monster energy drink await me.

(Completely unrelated: I'm all agog with excitement because my dream came true. Last night, I put up on Twitter that I've been listening to Neverending White Lights all day, and that my lifetime goal was to be acknowledged by @Daniel_Victor [the one man behind the one man project that is Neverending White Lights]. Well, I can scratch that off the list because he tweeted back to me today. I had mentioned that I had played NWL [at the time] 100 times in the past week, and half of it was yesterday alone. He read it and tweeted back to me something along the lines of "That's a lot of listening! That makes me happy." AND, on top of all of that, I was his first tweet today. So from that, this is how the scene played out in my head: He wakes up, all groggy from a long night of recording and mixing the new material slated to be released this year. He steps out of his room and heads back to the studio to begin another day of work on the album. Before he dedicates himself to his work, he decides to log on to Twitter and post an update or two. He logs on and check his mentions. He sees mine in there. It motivates and inspires him, truly lifting his spirits and giving him that extra little push he needed to get going on his work. He then goes ahead and has the best day he's had in a long time, ending up well ahead of schedule, and making a mental note to mention me in his liner notes when the album is finally released.

Yeah, that'll never happen.)

The second period just started.

I have yet to see the dump and chase work effectively for USA. Maybe it's time to change the strategy.
Jerome "He's Intense and Has a Pulse on the Group" Iginla was just left alone out in front from a bad giveaway in the slot. Simple backhander that Miller kicks aside. Maybe he waffleboarded it.
USA penalty kill coming up. This could make or break the game. I don't see this being a repeat of the bronze medal game. A decent lead in this game will win this game.
So far, USA's blocking shots like it's their job. Oh, right, it IS their job. If they want to win.
I'm falling in love with Drury right now. He's been a madman on this PK. I don't know how many shot blocks he's had so far, but an unofficial tally is between 58 and 64.
And now there's a US power play coming up.
Parise trying to get an extra call might have just ruined that rush.
I think USA had better chances on their PK than on thier PP.
And Canada scores again, likely riding the momentum of a good PK.

I'd like to take this opportunity to throw my hat in the ring for @mpetrella's bet regarding this game, also donating 10 dollars for every goal CAN scores if they win to H2H. I'd think that's pretty ballsy considering the score already being 2-0.

Another lame duck power play for USA. It doesn't look like they want this at all.
Is the D-line for this PP really Johnson and Johnson?
The mixture of what seems like American disinterest and Canadian luck is slowing killing my excitement about this game. I don't feel right watching a game that I felt more excited for than it looks like the players were.

Random thought: 50 team hockey tournament, by state. Mixing pros with amateurs. I think that would do wonders for American buzz for hockey.

KANE SCORES! Or was it Livonia Native Ryan Kesler? The replay looks like he got a piece.
USA buzzing now. Someone tapped the team on their collective shoulders and whispered in their collective ears "Pssst... this is for the FUCKING GOLD MEDAL!"
Shut the fuck up, I don't care if it was offsides or not.
"Crosby" count: 2. Surprisingly not 20.
Also, Rafalski looks like the best player out in the red white and blue right now.
Livonia Native Ryan Kesler gets the goal.
I never realized how much of a douche Getslapped was until I started talking with you guys. But he gets the gold medal for douchiness.
According to NBC, Ryan Miller decided to play goalie at age 7, age 8, and age 9. Which is it, really?
Detroit/Colorado plays tomorrow, Babcock and Stastny will be there. I guess Rafi's just gonna stick around in Vancouver and do some shopping. Those post-Olympic sales have really great bargains.
That puck went straight up and straight down. I know how scary that can be as a goalie. not being able to track a puck like that.
Canada pressuring right now. Too much pressure.
2-1 turnover ratio. Not pretty.
Crosby count 4.
Luongo really doesn't look "on" right now. We should be taking advantage of this.
Crosby count 5.
2-1 after 2. At least it's not a shutout like the women's hockey was.

Revisiting my 50 team tournament: Can you imagine how much hype that would get? Michigan vs Minnesota, New York vs New Jersey? Team rosters featuring players like Brian Rafalski on defense with Joe Schmoe, South Lyon High School's star defenseman? States like Montana, New Mexico, good luck. Work with what you've got. We never expected you to win, but we expect you to try.

20 minutes left in this game. How will USA come out to start the 3rd? Will they play with the urgency and intensity being in their position requires? Will Canada recognize and adapt to what the US throws at them? If USA ties this up, does that give them the momentum, or does it just infuriate Canada? Who's going to step up and be the hero for either side?

And how pissed will we all be if this goes to a shootout?

I've noticed the US participate in that snowball fight in the Coke commercial. Unless I'm wrong.
You all won't know this, but it's really weird going "Eastern North Carolina". Too many directions.

Canada hits post. Come on.
There it is! "Waffleboarded by Luongo."
Canada hits poat. Come on. (Again.)
Every time I hear "Duncan Keith", I think of Duncan Sheik. You know, the "I am barely breathing, I can't find the air..." guy? No, that's just me? Okay.
There are only 10 Marines watching this game right now. Sad.
USA looks relaxed on the bench. I'm not sure whether I'm okay with that or if I want to see much more intensity out of them.
Crosby count: 6. 7. 8.
USA seems to get getting it back together right now. They're a surging wave. Not quite full strength, but it looks like their building.
I'm starting to get that adrenaline feeling I haven't felt since sometime last June.
Pavelski just ruined that rush with selfishness.
Crosby count: 9. 10. 11.
I don't even know what just kept that out of the net. But that HAS to be a wake up call for USA. They NEED to get their shit together RIGHT NOW if they want a shot at this. Time is NOT their friend.
It looks like it worked. Drury, et. al. just ran rampant on Canada that shift. Peppered Luongo. Good chances.
Rafalski STILL looks like the best player for USA.
Canada standing up at the line now. And with a vicious forecheck, too.
Crosby count: 12. He did next to nothing on that shift, but the camera follows him to the bench. I vomit a little in my mouth.
I don't like Pavelski's style right now. He seems a little to selfish for what the scoreboard says.
6 minutes to go. Ugh.
Raf steps up and nearly is the hero of the world right there.
Crosby count: 13. 14.
The camera scan of the Canadian bench left me thinking "Dick. Dick. Dick. Nash, you're okay. Dick. Dick. Dick."
4 minutes left. Nerves picking up.
Crosby count: 15, as he fucks up the breakaway. "They could not have hand picked a better player to move in on that breakaway." How about one who would have scored?
2:30 to play. Miller pulled soon?
Miller to the bench. USA with about 6 chances, and none of them go. Time out, USA.
Who's NOT on the ice for the biggest part of the game right now? Crosby.
Dump and chase is not working. It never works. Not when you're up against the size of Canada.
SLOW RIDE SCORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, my fucking God. Wow. No words right now. We (the Marines) didn't know it was a goal for about 5 seconds. I think we were disbelieving. And then all 10 of us went nuts. Me, less so because of this computer in my lap.

Okay, I'll explain Slow Ride.
Think about the Foghat song. "Slow ride, take it easy..."
My mother and I, back in the day, would come up with our own nicknames for players. Watching a Wings-Devils game, hearing Parise time and time again, I broke out into a song. "Slow ride, Zach Parise..." And it stuck.

Could this game have gone any better for hockey fans? Or for hockey in general? Everyone wanted a good, competetive game. We're all getting it. Overtime. Sudden death. Next goal wins. Someone's going to be a national hero soon. I hope it's Rafalski. I really, really, do. He's been the best player all Olympics. Or Pavelski. Ha.

Thanks, JR. I just said that someone was going to be a national hero. I said it first, asshole.

Also, side note. The creepy guy who was reading what I was typing while he sat next to me is gone. I wanted to call him out on here and see if he read it and got the hint.
And my ears are still hot from the rush I got from the tying goal.

Gee, thanks, DirecTV for bringing THIS game to us with limited commercial interruption, since you won't bring any other games.

I don't know if I like the 4-4 OT play.
Back and forth so far. Nothing consistant for either team.
Crosby count: 17 and 18.
Quick thoughts: Canada seems tentative, patient. USA seems driven, pulsing.
More back and forth. Quick jabs, both teams feeling each other out. This is about to explode, I think. Expect a flurry one way or the other.
CC: 19
There was the flurry. For Canada.
This is the biggest appeal of hockey for me. Any shot could end it. Any lucky bounce, any ricochet could immortalize one of these players.
Canada playing a frightened defense right now. 3 back, one weak forechecker.

 No one knows why they stopped typing, or where they went. It is a mystery no one may ever be albe answer.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

10 Hockey Truths. According To Me.

10) I am hotter than the Sedin twins. This has been confirmed by multiple, independent parties. Just had to throw that one out there.

9) The mandatory shoot outs after every preseason game were fun, exciting and fresh. It has since worn out it's welcome and needs to be done away with.

8) The referees should be suspended above the rink on cables, dropping in only when needed. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but there must be a new plan to make them more effective while less intrusive.

7) It should be mandatory for you to have a Twitter page if you wear the C or the A on your chest.

6) If the puck goes up into the netting, you should be able to play it when it comes back to the ice.

5) There should be multiple cameras IN the pipes of the net to get definitive views of goals/no goals.

4) A goalie playing the puck outside of the trapezoid seems to be the opposite of actually "delaying the game". Either change the name of the penalty, or just stop the play if it happens.

3) Gordie Howe has been and will always be better than Wayne Gretzky. The numbers are misleading.

2) The practices where the players all swap positions should always be televised.

1) The Detroit Red Wings will always be the best team in sports. (It's a cop out, I know.)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

That Having Been Said...

Hi. How are you?
I'm Rob. Rob Masters, aka TRM.
And this is a little bit about me.

As long as I can remember, I've loved hockey, and loved the Red Wings. My first memory, when I was just a tiny little tot, was seeing Steve Yzerman taking a penalty shot. I remember being in the living room, sitting on the couch next to my mom, and just feeling the intensity of what was happening. I didn't understand it at all, but I didn't have to. The room was electric. And from then on, I was hooked. Hockey was my drug of choice, and the Red Wings were my dealer.
I became a fan bordering on obsessive. Eventually, I researched our draft picks. I watched every game with superstitious rituals. I went to training camps. I impressed people at these training camps. I also talked shit to Curtis Joseph's face at a training camp, but that's a different story.
I knew Datsyuk before any fans up at the camp did. Same with Zetterberg. I probably literally have one of the first autographs Zetterberg signed as a Red Wing. Rookie year, training camp, first day.
I'm not saying I've been perfect with my picks, but I've been pretty damn good. But, for my Datysuk and Zetterberg autographs, I also have Darryl Bootland (not too bad of a pick) and Robin Big Snake, too. Okay, Robin Big Snake was more about the name than the skill, but still, I have it.
My brother can back me on this, I was a Holmstrom fan before he got big. I was a Cleary fan his first season with us, before he got awesome. And I've always like Franzen. My mother and I probably had about 17 different nicknames for Franzen before the majority of Detroit knew his first name. Frickin' Franzen being the preferred.
So after all that, I've become pretty comfortable with my claim of being one of the biggest Wings fans ever, certainly one of the biggest I know, and definitely the biggest in the Marine Corps.
Obviously, being in the Marine Corps has hampered my ability to be the biggest fan I can be. And it without a doubt ruined the Wing's chances at the Cup last year, because I couldn't grow my playoff beard (although, I did for about a week when I was on leave).

So, yeah... That's why I do what I do.

I Might Have Gotten Carried Away

So, I was reading the “debate” on the 2010 Men’s USA Hockey Team fan page on Facebook about if Buffalo was the new “Hockey Town” [sic].

At first, it was a poor excuse for a debate, amounting to not much more than “Uh-huh.” “Nuh-uh.” “Uh-huh.” “Nuh-uh.” “PHILLY!!!!!!1!!!” “Nuh-uh.” “Nuh-uh.”

Then, those lovely, respectable people in Buffalo started taking things, in my eyes, out of hand.

“Detroit a shit hole buffalo def”

“lol…..detroit…..i mean…..who in the hell wants to go there? let them have their little “hockey town” title…..God knows that cesspool of a city has nothing else going for them…..”

“Well then Hockeytown is a ghetto”

And my personal favorite “who else but detroit destoyss their city after winning the cup” (You can find that asshole here:

Meanwhile, the Detroiters/Red Wings faithful kept their retorts and arguments within the confines of that lovely little 200x85 foot rectangle… rounded rectangle thing, where the games are played. They merely brought up the overwhelming Cup evidence, the playoffs streak, the fact that there are 6 Michiganders in the Olympics (including Buffalo’s beloved Ryan Miller), and the Winter Classic’s ratings blowout.

Not once did I see a Wings supporter mention anything bad about the quality of Buffalo’s fans, the city itself, or even talk bad about the Sabres.

So, with me having a short internet temper at times, and having not written a decent amount of anything since moving to New River, decided to throw my hat in the ring. My response is as follows:

“Detroit has won more Stanley Cups in the past 15 years than the number of times that Buffalo has even seen the Cup Finals.
And if people want to start making this a mudslinging contest, talking bad about Detroit’s fans and the state economy, well then a) you’re terribly mistaken because Detroit has NEVER rioted after a Cup win or after last year’s Cup loss, and b) when the ticket prices at the Joe directly reflect the economy in the Metro Detroit area, then you can talk about the fanbase.
And Detroit as a shithole? We’ve hosted MANY Stanley Cup Finals, on account of being better than 29 other teams in the leauge, we’ve hosted MLB’s All-Star game, we’ve hosted the Super Bowl, and we’d recently had the NBA finals AND the NCAA Basketball Tournaments. Maybe it’s not as much of as shithole as you think it is.
And after that, if you still want to base the ‘rightful’ owners of the nickname off of those things, then you don’t even deserve the title, because you’re just pitiful, overzealous fanatics. It’s one thing to be a fan, but when you start letting it get to your head and cloud your judgment that you’ll go so far as to insult your opponent for no good reason at all, you’re just a sad, sad person.
So, let’s let the facts and the stats speak for themselves.

Detroit is the ONLY Hockeytown.”

So, yeah. I think I got a little carried away. Not for writing it, but for writing THAT MUCH. I don’t think anyone’s actually going to read all of that. Ever.